As it’s Boxing Day, I thought I’d post a wee post – as I haven’t in a fair while. I am typing this on my new Acer Aspire One. Just thought you’d like to know.

Things I’ve noticed about the Aspire One:

• It’s far, far quicker at wireless web browsing than my Desktop.
• The in-built spelling correction in Firefox was, by default, set to German. What?
• Sometimes the screen is actually too small for a window – particularly in the [Linux equivalent of the] Control Panel.
• The black bezel around the screen is a fingerprint & scratch magnet.
• The backspace key is actually a little too small for my liking, I keep hitting the ‘+’ key by mistake.

Shhh! This post is all part of a cunning plan. I intend not to tell anyone I have posted it – but the first person to see it, and post a comment WILL WIN THE GAME. Or something…

Top 5 things to happen on Christmas Day:

1. Christmas Dinner.
2. Christmas Presents.
3. Knowing that I’m not back at work until Monday.
4. Logging into MSN and Facebook like it was any other day.
5. Typing my username into the YouTube channel on my brother’s iPod touch, and having my videos actually appearing in the results.

Video of the Day: Phil’s Xmas Video, if it ever makes an appearance

I can’t be arsed, so here’s a summary of the type of content you could’ve expected from today’s post.

• There was a power cut this morning
• I went into town – it rained
• I bought three new Wii games – Boom Blox, Trauma Center Second Opinion and Metroid Prime 3: Corruption
• Boom Blox is awesome
• Trauma Center is awesome
• Metroid Prime 3 is faulty, and thus will be returned tomorrow

Let’s face it, you haven’t missed anything.

Other Stuff:

• Phil has discovered one of his old websites – The Vortex MK.V
• Note to self: Ask Phil what “MK” stands for…

I just checked Phil’s blog, and I was actually marginally surprised to find that he hasn’t updated for 10 days. It reminded me that I’ve haven’t blogged anything since the 2nd part to the critically acclaimed Cucumber Kid series. Well, you’ll be pleased to know that I plan to do a prequel to the 2nd part (so that’d be remake of the 1st part, then) entitled “Cucumber Commences”. It will tackle hard-hitting, current issues such as the economy, Russia and how CK got his powers.

Other Stuff:

• Most of my iPod’s “25 Most Played Songs” playlist consists of songs from Nas’ Untitled album. Which, by the way, is the album of the year.
• Phil’s 18th birthday is fast approaching. I heard rumours of a possible invite to a possible party, but no such invite nor party has materialised. Oh well.
• I have the noisiest monitor in the world. At first I thought it was the PC tower, until I accidently turned the screen off – the silence was bliss.
• If the latest reports are to be believed, Seb is becoming stranger by the second. But he’ll soon be taking on the Top 40 with his new band – a single is imminent.
• Everyone has begun disappearing off to University. This next year is going to be dull.

Foreword: Ordinarily, I’d recommend that you read Part 1 of Cucumber Kid before reading this. But I won’t for two reasons – 1) Part 1 was exceptionally bad, with very little of interest happening – 2) All you need to know to ‘get’ Part 2 is that he’s a kid who has all the awesomeness of a cucumber. And if you have read Part 1, please don’t point out that they don’t exactly match up, as even I could not be arsed to read the first bit again.

“Oh no, someone has stolen my baby”

It was the first thing Jack Stone heard after leaving his home that morning. He turned to face the direction from which the exclamation had orginated, and saw a man running his tits off down the street. Little did the man know that he was running directly towards Cucumber Kid, and boy would he regret it. He did regret it, as a huge cucumber’d fist came smacking into his face a second later. But oh no! As a result of such a mother of a punch, the baby had flown 50 feet into the air. Cucumber Kid was never any good at catching, and the baby was heading very much towards the floor.

“Never fear, I’ll catch that flying baby!”

You’d have expected that to be the voice of Cucumber Kid, suddenly full of baby-catching confidence. But it wasn’t. It was someone else entirely. Cucumber Kid looked on in amazement as the person from which the voice came leaped into the air to meet the screaming baby. *catch*

“Woo. Woo. Woo. Yeah. Woo. Yeah!”, the crowd screamed. “All hail baby-catcher man, who saved baby from baby-snatcher man”. Now Cucumber Kid was angry, and he pushed baby-catcher man with all his might. But oh no! The man was falling into an unfortunately placed table of knives. They cut through his flesh like daggers, but amazingly not one drop of blood escaped from his veins.

However, the man was understandibly very upset with Cucumber Kid, and said,

“That really hurt. I’m going to get you Cucumber Kid!”

***

Four days had passed since “Mr Chop” (as the Press labelled him) had sworn to get revenge on Cucumber Kid, and in that time he’d developed then perfect plan. When Cucumber Kid wasn’t looking, he’d sneak up behind him and chop his arms off. Certainly it was the most fiendish of all plans. How could it fail?

Cucumber Kid was running in the park when he had a sudden fit…

… of laughter. It was not at anything in particular, but it was amusing nonetheless. He decided he really want to get something to eat, but he was unsure what to have. One one hand he could have an ice-cream, but a hot dog also sounded really tasty too…

Right kids! This is the part where you decide where the plot goes. Does Cucumber Kid decide to have an ice-cream or a hot dog? You decide!

He has an ice-cream.

He has a hot dog.

Choosing an option will download the rest of the story to your computer. But choose wisely, as it’ll seriously affect the conclusion of this story! *Gasp*

I’m back! Though really I was back on Friday, it’s just taken me until now to even contemplate writing a blog post. Now that I’ve contemplated it, we’ll just leave it at that.

…

Are they gone? Grand! They suck.

10 Lessons learned whilst on holiday:

1. Using a Gamecube carry case for hand luggage makes you look like a bit of a dick.
2. When using the bathroom, always take a mobile phone with you. You may find yourself trapped due to a faulty lock.
3. If you leave your room key with reception, remember to ask for the right room number when you wish to collect it.
4. Evening entertainment is a terrifying experience, as all entertainers have taken to going into the crowd for “volunteers”.
5. You suck at pool.
6. Wearing a t-shirt displaying the slogan “Where’s Yeovil?” doesn’t go down with people from Yeovil… or anyone at all actually.
7. Reading the book “The God Delusion” doesn’t go down well with religious folk… or anyone at all actually.
8. Sand is just as annoying as it was last year.
9. “Itchy-ass” syndrome (resulting from sitting down with wet board shorts) is just as annoying as it was last year.
10. “What Happens In Vegas” is a surprisingly watchable film, especially on dull flights home.

Other Stuff:

• Charley Boorman’s new show “By Any Means” starts this Sunday on BBC2 at 8pm. Watch it.
• My new (read: my sister’s old) computer is now set up in my room, and is pretty good.

I’m going on holiday tomorrow. Well, technically we don’t fly until Friday, but we’ll be driving up to Glasgow tomorrow, staying in a nearby hotel, and then flying from Glasgow Airport the next morning. That means I’m gone for a week, and that means, no blogging. Joy.

Other Stuff:

• Twitter has cut off SMS service to everywhere, except USA, Canada and India. Thus Twitter is dead. Fini.
• I stopped using Twitter properly a while ago anyway – LibraryThing is now my addiction.

Students and tangerines share many similarites. For one, they both tend to be out of favour amongst teachers – although admittedly for different reasons. Teachers tend to favour apples to both tangerines and students, though taking an apple for teacher will always put you above the tangerine. And remember! An apple a day keeps the Doctor away! This could be for many reasons. First of all, it is possible that apples are to Doctors what garlic is to a vampire. Though admittedly, this analogy is a little flawed, as it involves using fictional beings in a rational statement – everyone knows Doctors simply do not exist. This could be due to that the apple has indeed fulfilled it’s role of “keeping the Doctor away”, though it is more likely that Doctors always travel in pairs – much like in the ever popular “Doctor, Doctor” jokes. The patient feels that he/she must address each Doctor individually with “Doctor”, resulting in “Doctor, Doctor”. Of course, there is now an abundance of sexually confused NHS workers, more commonly referred to as “male nurses”. It is possible that the said patient could be confusing a male nurse with a Doctor, though at the same time, perhaps “Doctor, Male Nurse” just isn’t as snappy. Of course, I am not implying that only men can become Doctors, and that only females should be nurses – if anything the opposite is true. The opposite of true is also false, a word commonly seen amongst other words such as “identity”, “beard” and “penis” – like I said, these things often travel in pairs. I, of course, use the word “travel” not in a literal sense, but as personification. In conclusion, as I was saying – students and tangerines should never engage in sexual encounters with teachers.

Other Stuff:

How important are elections to a democratic society?

Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

So, as you probably know (unless you live in a cage – or worse, America) today was results day for AS and A levels across the UK. I nervously received my results – both my firm and insurance choice University required the same number of UCAS points, meaning I didn’t really have any “insurance”. Thankfully I got into Northumbria University to study Computer Forensics. The criminal world has been dealt a huge blow – Jamie’s gonna get ya!

Other Stuff:

• Note to Phil: Quit changing your blog’s title. “Go Go Gadget Blog” and “Blogarnabo” can’t ever compete with the Sak.

SPOILERS! DON’T READ IF YOU DON’T WANT.

As many none of you will have read on Sakuranbo, Phil went and saw The Dark Knight today (the movie, not the blog). He describes it as “by far, the best film ever made. It beats Final Fantasy VII Advent Children into a bloody pulp.” Thus, when I go and see the film tomorrow, I’m likely to come out of the cinema thinking “Wow, that was fantastic” or “Wow, that was crap – but I loved it”.

In preparation for The Dark Knight (the blog film, not the blog) I watched Batman Begins again today, and this time managed to stay awake. Overall – it was good, but it wasn’t goooooood. The first two Spider-man films are far better IMO, though BB (Batman Begins, not Big Brother) wins the “better than Spider-man 3 award”. This award was, coincidently, also presented to Video Phil Episode 1 (deleted) and Ask Me Anything: The Results, both of which were huge disappointments.

At work today yesterday we received some of the new PS3 Platinum range due to be released on Friday. Let me just say – they look like crap. Whoever thought yellow and an almost grey ’silver’ made an attractive job deserves to have eyes removed… with a fork. I’m convinced that the design was concocted by Ken Kutaragi shortly before his dismissal from Sony as some kind of revenge.

A lot of people still contact me saying “Hey, where can I get a Popstation from? Or a Neo Double Games, because y’know, I’ve got too much money and I’m a bit mental in the face”

Best. Quote. Ever.

Dr. Ashens also recently put up a review of the Flip Video and Creative Vado, and concluded that it would be best to “keep hold of your money”. Great advice, though not for me – as I already bought the Flip Video a month ago.